do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
