Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You're earring is so big in my mouth
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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