i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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