I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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