i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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