I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
