Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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