I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
