my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
