She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
