Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
