you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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