Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
