i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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