So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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