let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
