I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
