But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
