I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
