I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
