Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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