guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
