we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize