We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
