i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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