I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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