The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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