dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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