She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
