Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
