That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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