im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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