I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
