in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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