My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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