Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize