You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
