I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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