The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
