My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
