guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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