I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize