If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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