maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
