Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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