you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
