i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
