so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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