Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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