weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
