Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
