He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
