So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
