I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
