im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I cockslap morals
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
