dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
