I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.