dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.